Monday, June 30, 2008

Just Another Day In Paradise

Today I spent the day laying on the beach. A small deserted beach on an isolated island. An island covered with soft white sand and palm trees. The air smelled of coconut. A gentle breeze blew and I spent the entire day dozing in and out of consciousness as I soaked up the sun's rays. Luck? Na, just today's mental "happy place". Had it not been for my private beach I would most likely be walking aimlessly through the house drooling and twitching! I woke this morning, stumbled into the bathroom, peed and realized that the entire toilet was FILLED with toilet paper! In my lazy, half awake state I decided to attempt to flush. The water rose, and rose, and rose. Just as it was about to crest over the top of the rim I bent down and turned off the water. Ugh, I just wanted to pee and shower! I trudged out to the kitchen, grabbed my tongs and returned to the potty to remove half a roll of TP! "Who put this HUGE wad of TP in the potty?" "Me Did, responded Reid." "Why would you need this much TP?!" "Daddy says if me blow my nose with the toilet paper, I can just frow it in the potty." "YOU DO NOT NEED HALF A ROLL OF TP TO BLOW YOUR NOSE! MY GOOD GOD BOY DID YOU SLEEP LAST NIGHT, OR DID YOU SPEND THE NIGHT PROPPED UP BESIDE THE POTTY BLOWING YOUR NOSE?!" No response. I shake my head and realize that this is just further evidence that my husband has no clue! He's off trucking around the Northeast while I'm left digging his advice out of the shitter with my kitchen tongs! Happy frickin morning to me. The rest of the day was a blur of arguments between my children and their cousins. Highlight fight of the day consisted of "Which is more deadly, cigarettes or cigars?" My boys argued cigars are safer because you "don't inhale a cigar". My sisters girls argued that cigarettes are safer because they are "smaller than cigars." I listened from my tropical "happy place" and mentally sided with my nieces. I can follow the "smaller than" argument. Add a small joint to my "happy beach scenario" Small joint= safe. Where were my nieces when I was in college? So skip ahead to this evening. Trucker Mon was home and and working in his garden. The garden is AMAZING this year! Well I have decided to try freezing and canning our veggies this year. Well, Jim walks over to me with 2 hands full of hot peppers and says, "Here Babe, here's some peppers for you to can." I look at the table and find 14 peppers. Oh, hold on, let me dust off my apron and can those 14 PEPPERS! 14 freakin peppers! After I'm finished writing this post I'll be Googling "Micro canning". Oh yeah, he also handed me 1 beet. Oh, Wendy if you happen to be reading this, I checked out the boat picture I posted of you and Jim. That is NOT back fat. I clearly remember it being a VERY windy day. You were also moving VERY fast in that Portaboat. What you were seeing was a combination of wind and speed rippling your shirt. NO backfat, just poofy billows of tank top.

Sunday, June 29, 2008


Since my computer is ANCIENT and I'm not able to easily add photos, I have decided to add a few groups today as a courtesy of Mom & Dad's computer. Here are some photos of our latest fishing trips. So far Cora and Reid have been the lucky fishers. Ella managed to hook a carp, but the line busted just before we were able to pull it out of the water for a photo. Leave it to Ella to catch a fish the same size as her!

Friday, June 27, 2008

Many Updates and Some New Stuff Too!

Yet again another month has flown by! Since the boys have been out of school my life has been an absolute blur! So, here are a few updates.... Memorial Day Cemetery hopping was a success. We all had a great time searching for, and finding, our War Veteran ancestors. We also happened upon many non-veteran ancestors as well. I now realize how much I love the idea of a family plot. Ya can find all your people at one shot! Just so everyone knows, you won't be able to find my grave when I'm gone. As I searched the cemeteries I realized.... rot just doesn't suit me. So, I have officially decided to be cremated. Now I just need to figure out what should be done with my ashes. They definitely need to start in a bottle of Yingling Lager. I've always wanted to submerge myself in a good Lager. I suppose that would be the only way to successfully accomplish this. I could always fill a bathtub with Lager and then soak in it. However, that will just leave me smelling all yeasty and would also be just a bit expensive. So, ya'll need to remember... send a bottle (or case, I'm a BIG girl) to the crematorium when I die. Oh, and make sure the crematory dude is Nazarene, or Mormon or Amish. I need someone reliable who won't bogart all the beer! So, steer clear of the Catholics ya know they'll chug the beer and leave me floating in bottles of piss! Then after I'm well soaked in the Lager I think the bottle(s) should be passed around allowing me to follow each of my loved ones around for a day. Then I could watch (hey, it's a basic law of physics: Energy can not be created or destroyed. Therefor I WILL be watching from somewhere!) and think gee, I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that shit anymore. Then you could all do with your bottle as you see fit. Honestly I think the funniest thing that could be done would be to bury the bottle VERY, VERY deep in a very remote location. Then hundreds of years from now when uptight, futuristic archaeologists dig me up I could stand by a watch them figure that out! Well, actually I'll be standing by laughing my ass off when they sniff, or taste it! Yeah, THAT would be funny! SO......... that was a bit off the beaten path.. what happened to the updates! Let's see.... Oh, Hayden will be playing Div 3 soccer this fall. He' s very excited about this. It's still a rec. league, but he will get the chance to play on different fields and against different teams. I let ya'll know more about this when we get a schedule (sometime in August). Oh yeah, I had a LOT of questions about the "No Baby Daddy and Ball-less Husband" post. Well as it turns out, No Baby Daddy apologized to my sister. Apparently she isn't quite as bad as I may have originally thought. Oh, and No Baby Daddy.... has a Daddy...who requires supervised visits. OOOH, she can pick em. Harsh I know, but common! Well, that's all the info, and "updates" my head can wrap itself around right now, so until next time.......