My Funk

I'm in a funk! Not just any funk, a funky funk. It's taken me a week to figure it out. At first I thought it might be my birthday. Since turning 30, birthday's have been sort of ugh. This year I turned 30 again, again. Ugh. Since I've started counting by 5's I'm still only 30. Once I turn 35 I'll have to fess up and actually be 35 (for five years of course). Well, b-day came and funk stayed. Then I though it might be Ella's birthday that was getting me down. My baby girl is officially 3, not such a baby anymore. Perhaps my funk was being caused by HER getting another year older. Nope, her b-day came and went and funk is still here. Today I figured it out! It's the BEEPING weather! It's approaching the end of May and it's 60 degrees! Well welcome to our Alaskan freakin summer! Where are my 70 degree days? Take a look at a current PA weather map, Ohio is in the 80's! Pennsylvania is obviously being punished. How can the entire U. S be in the mist of a heat wave and PA (along with the other 8 New England states) be in the beeping 60's! Well, I believe PA is being punished. God is finally punishing the Quakers for being prudes. I knew it would eventually happen, I just didn't know I'd be involved in the punishment. Well prudish Quakers ( yeah, their still around, their offspring govern this fine state of ours) put liquor in the grocery stores QUICK! Perhaps God will lift his countenance upon your repentance and bring on the warm weather! Don't wait! Do it now! Liquor in the grocery stores and if the state store must exist, for the sake of our climate it MUST be open on Sundays! And of course on the slim chance that I'm actually wrong..... at least I'll be able to stop by my Giant, pick up some Bailey's, add it to my morning coffee and have a great time keeping myself drunkenly warm until Mother Freakin Nature wakes up and realizes the North East exists!