Just Another Day In Paradise

Today I spent the day laying on the beach. A small deserted beach on an isolated island. An island covered with soft white sand and palm trees. The air smelled of coconut. A gentle breeze blew and I spent the entire day dozing in and out of consciousness as I soaked up the sun's rays. Luck? Na, just today's mental "happy place". Had it not been for my private beach I would most likely be walking aimlessly through the house drooling and twitching! I woke this morning, stumbled into the bathroom, peed and realized that the entire toilet was FILLED with toilet paper! In my lazy, half awake state I decided to attempt to flush. The water rose, and rose, and rose. Just as it was about to crest over the top of the rim I bent down and turned off the water. Ugh, I just wanted to pee and shower! I trudged out to the kitchen, grabbed my tongs and returned to the potty to remove half a roll of TP! "Who put this HUGE wad of TP in the potty?" "Me Did, responded Reid." "Why would you need this much TP?!" "Daddy says if me blow my nose with the toilet paper, I can just frow it in the potty." "YOU DO NOT NEED HALF A ROLL OF TP TO BLOW YOUR NOSE! MY GOOD GOD BOY DID YOU SLEEP LAST NIGHT, OR DID YOU SPEND THE NIGHT PROPPED UP BESIDE THE POTTY BLOWING YOUR NOSE?!" No response. I shake my head and realize that this is just further evidence that my husband has no clue! He's off trucking around the Northeast while I'm left digging his advice out of the shitter with my kitchen tongs! Happy frickin morning to me. The rest of the day was a blur of arguments between my children and their cousins. Highlight fight of the day consisted of "Which is more deadly, cigarettes or cigars?" My boys argued cigars are safer because you "don't inhale a cigar". My sisters girls argued that cigarettes are safer because they are "smaller than cigars." I listened from my tropical "happy place" and mentally sided with my nieces. I can follow the "smaller than" argument. Add a small joint to my "happy beach scenario" Small joint= safe. Where were my nieces when I was in college? So skip ahead to this evening. Trucker Mon was home and and working in his garden. The garden is AMAZING this year! Well I have decided to try freezing and canning our veggies this year. Well, Jim walks over to me with 2 hands full of hot peppers and says, "Here Babe, here's some peppers for you to can." I look at the table and find 14 peppers. Oh, hold on, let me dust off my apron and can those 14 PEPPERS! 14 freakin peppers! After I'm finished writing this post I'll be Googling "Micro canning". Oh yeah, he also handed me 1 beet. Oh, Wendy if you happen to be reading this, I checked out the boat picture I posted of you and Jim. That is NOT back fat. I clearly remember it being a VERY windy day. You were also moving VERY fast in that Portaboat. What you were seeing was a combination of wind and speed rippling your shirt. NO backfat, just poofy billows of tank top.